Simple ways to gently build your confidence


Confidence: We all want it, but sometimes it can be hard to find. If you’re looking for simple ways to gently build your confidence, then this blog is for you!

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A lot of conversations around joining Toastmasters focus on public speaking, but for many of our members, Toastmasters is more about building confidence than it is about getting up in front of a room of people to give a speech. In this short article, we’re going to look at some simple, gentle ways to build confidence. We would like to offer you food for thought, a few exercises to try, and above all, we want to offer you our support.

If you’re like most people, you probably want to feel more confident. Maybe there are things you want to do but don’t because you don’t feel confident enough. Or maybe there are things in your life you would like to change, but the thought of doing them makes you feel nervous.

Don’t worry, though – there are ways to gradually build up your confidence so that eventually, anything becomes possible! In this post, we’ll explore some simple methods you might find useful to increase your self-confidence. So read on – hopefully by the time you finish, you’ll be inspired and ready to try out a few new things to boost your confidence.


Everyone wants confidence, but when confidence is low, it can feel difficult to try new ways to build confidence up again. Everyone has confidence; we just need to remember what makes others around us confident and how they show it!
There are also things in life that can make our confidence levels fluctuate – like changes in your personal life or at work (for example). There are shelf-loads of self-help books that stick to the mantra that ‘confidence is not about changing events, it’s more about choosing how we react to events’.


Being confident is not always easy; we all know this because we have all been in situations where we feel nervous and shy, sometimes these feelings can take us by surprise. In those moments, it can be really hard to focus on the good things about ourselves, but building confidence does not have to be difficult if you have gentle support from those around you, and if you learn to trust your own confidence.


When looking for a positive path forward it can be tempting to try many different things at once. You don’t need to try everything at once. Being confident is about who you are as a person – these little changes won’t solve everything but they can make you feel better about yourself in small ways. When we plant a little ‘confidence seed’ this can help with bigger things in our lives.

Make a note of what makes you feel confident

Simply write down a few things you feel confident about, or activities that make ​you​ feel good. For example, if you don’t like going to parties, but you went to a great party and had a great time, make a note. Write it in your diary, on a scrap of paper, or send yourself an email. There’s something magical about writing things down that helps make them stick in our minds.
If you did something nice for someone else, however simple it may seem to you, this could also be a good thing to make a note of. When we do something kind it helps us to acknowledge that we are capable of doing these things and can see how they bring happiness into our own lives as well as helping other people to smile.


Have a good long think about the areas of your life where you do feel confident and write them down. For example, some people are confident at work, but less confident at social gatherings. Writing down the things we are confident with is a nice reminder that we do have a foundation of confidence that we can build on.


If you’re not sure what your confidence strengths are, try asking trusted friends or family members what strengths they see in you. The answers may surprise and delight you!


When we can see it all written down we start to realise just how confident we are already. When you’re feeling a lull in your confidence, reading back your notes can help you celebrate the confidence you already have!

Compliment others

The fastest way to feel good about yourself is to compliment someone else. It might sound odd, but when we act kind towards other people, it makes us feel good.


When we say something nice out loud (or even in our head) about someone else we acknowledge their confidence. Confidence is catching; at Ipswich Electrifiers’ meetings we find that an upbeat, confident tone spreads rapidly around the room

Be gentle with yourself!

Give yourself time to adjust to new situations and don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes confidence can come from being in new situations. So getting used to being in a new situation, or when trying something new, your confidence needs time to adjust. Give yourself a break, take it easy and plant your ‘confidence seeds’ where you are comfortable. But don’t be afraid to push yourself out of your comfort zone, because that’s where the magic is!


If your confidence feels a little out of reach when trying something new, give yourself time and don’t be too hard on yourself for not feeling confident immediately!


Building confidence in new situations takes time, and that’s fine – no matter how nervous you might feel when you start, you can make progress. So be kind to yourself and remind yourself that building confidence is a process, not a magic pill. Learning to enjoy the process can help massively. Small victories are big victories in the making!


Try talking positively to yourself, even when you’re not feeling confident. Your brain is always listening!

Seek out supportive people who will encourage your confidence

You can make a huge difference to your confidence by seeking out supportive people. Whether it’s the friend who encourages you to go for that new job or someone who celebrates your small victories, these supporters are great builders of confidence. Who do you know that has helped build your confidence? How have they helped? Why was what they said so important to you?

Don’t compare yourself to others, focus on your own journey

Some people appear to have been born confident, but this is rarely the case. Everyone has to work to build their confidence, even if they deny it, it’s true.


When we compare ourselves to people we believe have confidence pouring out of them, it’s easy to feel like our own confidence is not enough. This can feel very discouraging, especially if we keep telling ourselves that ‘we’re not as good’. This negative self-talk can take the shine off our own accomplishments. To combat these feelings, try and focus on your own confidence-building journey instead of worrying about others. What areas in your life did you used to feel nervous about but now find yourself feeling confident in? What have your small victories been? Where have you planted your confidence seeds?

What is the next step on your confidence-building journey?

If you are interested in developing your self-confidence, Toastmasters can help. Here at Ipswich Electrifiers Speakers’ Club we pride ourselves on being welcoming, supportive and nurturing. There are many aspects of Toastmasters that can help you build your confidence. Remember, Toastmasters is about much more than public speaking!


Contact us to find out how you can visit Ipswich Electrifiers as a guest for free.